Words...

I am very aware of how my words can and do affect those around me. What takes days, weeks, or years to build up, takes only moments for me to tear down. I love those God moments, when good seeds are planted without anyone ever knowing. This week God revealed a couple of those moments and how words impact our lives.

Thursday, as we were driving back from Precious Granny's, I realized my BFF was not going to be available to (do her usual bailout) frenchbraid Madison's hair for dance rehearsal the following day. I called another dear friend, who thankfully, has all those girly skills, and can frenchbraid. As this friend was braiding her hair I tried to explain how it looked previously. In the middle of our conversation Madison ran to her room and brought out a special scrapbook Laura had given her last year. Inside was the picture I posted above of the the two of them together. In the little scrapbook were some very sincere words of encouragement.

As Madison rehearsed on stage, I video taped. During rehearsal I try to get her by herself. It gives Madison a chance to see how she dances and how much she has changed over the year. At some point during the dance she walked towards the left side of the stage with her hand held out. The words to the song were "I will follow you" (those are words every mom wants and hopes for her children). A tear rolled down my cheek and I prayed very hard that would truly be her life long desire- "To follow Him".

With rehearsal over, we went to have our traditional dinner together (thanks for those words Michelle- you constantly challenge me in area of "making" special moments!). As we sat down, I asked if she wanted to pray, she did. She prayed (wonderful words) and asked God to remind her of what Laura told her last year (the words that are also in her scrapbook) "She was dancing for God". She asked for God to be glorified in her dance and that she would forget anyone else was there. Words she has heard from precious Laura. God has used Laura's words to plant seeds in Madison's tender heart. They are words that come from a sincere place that Madison has grown to love. This year Laura sacrificed her Friday nights to help with Madison's dance class. She is 15, and already knows what it means to sacrifice for others. I see it in how she serves her mother, her family,and others. She has been purposeful (with her words, and her actions)to pray for Madison, to seek her, or see and ask how she is doing. She has been purposeful in using words to help mold my daughter into who she is becoming. I don't think she quite understands the power of her words. As a Mom watching I know the effect she has on my daughter, I am ever so thankful for sweet words spoken by her and others to my children.

As I watched Laura on stage, I was aware (more than ever) of her love for the Lord. God has a special purpose for Laura's life! God has made me more aware of words the last couple of weeks, how they can be used for good and how harmful they can be. I think about my children and the words I use when speaking to them. Words that can lift up and words that tear down. How I desire control, more than I desire to bring glory to God. How I can place my desires ahead of what would bring glory to God!

I am encouraged and challenged by what God has shown me and the work he graciously so desires to do in me. I am thankful for "little friends" (who really aren't so little) who are living for God and the great testomony they are to me! I'm thankful for all the words God has shown me recently, and the ultimate word...His! I am amazed at how God can and does use them and how they can change lives. I pray God will continue to pierce my heart with His words and continue to show me examples of where my words may hurt and where they help.

Tyler's First Car........

Jody sent this picure from the Phillipines. We are considering purchasing one just like it for Tyler's first car!!

What's for Dinner?

When we initially contemplated home schooling a very dear friend said "dinner will never be on the table again"! She was being honest about an area in which she struggled. At that moment I knew I would need to be purposeful in meal planning.

My husband is very gracious. He understands what it takes to keep things running around here. He never complains about what I serve for dinner, except for the time I made cauliflower mash potatoes:). My desire isn't to be a homemaker that gives no thought to her meals. I don't want to serve my family whatever is the quickest to make (not that there aren't times for that!). I desire to bring glory to God in my daily life. I serve my family much better when I am being purposeful, planning, and I am prepared, especially when it comes to meals.

My husband has blessed or surprised me, on occasion, with dinner. I can even remember making a call, or two, in tears asking (begging) him to bring dinner home (I just want to keep it real). I'm happy to say, that by God's grace, those have been very rare occasions. I want my husband to know he is coming home to dinner. I want to bless and serve him. He works very hard for our family, I, in return want to work hard for him.

It would be very easy to justify my way out of dinner. I am busy! Home schooling, housekeeping, being a taxi driver, the list goes on. Those are just a few good things that we (I) can use as an excuse. But that isn't what we, as homemakers, are called to do. It wouldn't serve our families, our bodies, or our budgets. God is calling us to give our best! I think the special people in our lives deserve our very best!!

My dear friend was not trying to discourage me! Her statement revealed an area I needed to be aware of, an area I still need to be aware of! I have had many struggles and issues (still do!) but for the most part, and by the grace of God, this has not been one of them. I have my friend and her transparency to thank for that!


Here are a few things I have learned that have helped.

1. Menus I check the freezer and pantry to see what I have on hand. I normally ask the kids and Jody if there is anything special they would like. If I still need ideas I go through one of my cookbooks (a notebook of clear page protectors filled with recipes I already know my family enjoys). After I have a week (or two) of meals I start my grocery list. I have a computer printout of our most common purchased items. After this is printed out I send Jarred and/or Madison running through the house, in record speed, to see if the item needs to be replaced (we call this fun!) Then, I go through the menu or recipes noting any item I need. I try not to be ruled by my menu. If I planned on chicken but then decided it didn't sound good, I just pick something else. I no longer assign a dish to each night. When I first started I did. But, I had too many internal conflicts with the half of me that is the rule follower, and the other half that is a rule breaker!!

2. Repeats We have certain nights where we have the same meal, this simplifies things for me. Every Friday night is pizza night in the Crotsley household. It could be homemade, frozen, or from a restaurant. All of that depends on our season of life and what the budget allows. Saturday nights are usually burgers or something cooked on the grill. Sunday nights I try to cook something I know will have leftovers for Jody's lunch on Monday. I can't forget the family favorite- breakfast for dinner (this doesn't have a specific night, but is always a winner).

3. 10:00 am Meal Prep At about 10:00 everyday, when the kids are doing their independent work, I start prepping today's meal and planning tomorrow's. I start with the tomorrow's meal, it might be as simple as pulling hamburger meat from the freezer, or double checking I have everything I need for a recipe. Sometimes I might need to think a couple of days out- a roast might need longer to defrost, or a meat might need to marinade over night. This really helps take the panic out of dinnertime. If I need to pick something up I can do it while I'm already out, instead of making a 5:00 mad dash to the grocery store. After tomorrow's meal has been figured out I begin on today's. It's already in the refrigerator waiting on me, ready to prep or cook. This might look like cooking hamburger meat 10:15 for taco's. At 6:00 when things get a little crazy, dinner is a snap. I have already shredded cheese, cooked meat, or cut whatever I could in order to pull dinner together quickly. It's probably the most productive 30 minutes in my day.

4. Your freezer is your friend I freeze food whenever possible. I don't cook an entire month's worth at a time (it didn't work for me). I love being able to pull a healthy meal from my freezer when time might be limited. It's like having unhealthy convienance food without the unhealthy. I have found if I am making a meal my family loves, it makes sense to double the recipe. A perfect example of this is tonight's dinner, which is Black Bean Chimichangas. Yesterday I pulled a zip lock bag of the filling from the freezer. Today during my "prep time" I filled tortillas with the filling and back in the fridge they went. Today at dinner time I let the dish come to room temperature and all I had to do was place them in the oven. Dinner done! I freeze muffins, breakfast breads, dinners and some desserts. When we don't have ingredients for a recipe, or something doesn't sound good I have a healthy back up. Your freezer really can be your best friend!

I hope you can use some of these ideas and it gets you cookin'!

So here's what's for dinner-tonight we will have Black Bean Chimichangas. Tomorrow we will have Sticky Chicken for dinner (the recipe is below). Yesterday I pulled a chicken from the freezer to defrost. Today I put the rub on it. Tomorrow I will put it in the oven and make sure I have all my vegetables prepared to go with it.

One of my favorite places to get recipes is from Allrecipes.com. If you haven't been there you should check it out. .

Roast Sticky Chicken-Rotisserie Style

Ingredients:
4 teaspoons salt
2 teaspoons paprika
1 teaspoon onion powder
1 teaspoon dried thyme
1 teaspoon white pepper 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
2 onions, quartered
2 (4 pound) whole chickens

Directions:
1. In a small bowl, mix together salt, paprika, onion powder, thyme, white pepper, black pepper, cayenne pepper, and garlic powder. Remove and discard giblets from chicken. Rinse chicken cavity, and pat dry with paper towel. Rub each chicken inside and out with spice mixture. Place 1 onion into the cavity of each chicken. Place chickens in a resealable bag or double wrap with plastic wrap. Refrigerate overnight, or at least 4 to 6 hours.
2. Preheat oven to 250 degrees F (120 degrees C).
3. Place chickens in a roasting pan. Bake uncovered for 5 hours, to a minimum internal temperature of 180 degrees F (85 degrees C). Let the chickens stand for 10 minutes before carving.

Manboy- More Man than Boy!!

While we were camping in South Carolina Tyler turned 15. We celebrated his birthday by the campfire with one of his favorite meals, steak kabobs with tons of veggies. Tyler, his Daddy, and brother shared an entire ice cream cake. It was a small cake, but I believe it was supposed to serve 8. They enjoyed it, Madison and I were happy no one threw up! We had one of the best camping trips we have ever had. Tyler would tell you it was one of the best ways to turn 15.

I love camping! I know, I can't believe I am saying it myself. But, I love the forced family time. I love not having the daily distractions and just being together. I also love that my boys can get as dirty as they want and I don't have to clean up after them (much!). We camped at Table Rock Mountain. We were hiking up the mountain when it started to rain. We had to hike back down 2 1/2 hours in the rain. This gave lots of opportunities to parent and deal with heart issues. The princess of the family (no, that is not me!) didn't enjoy this much. She was cold and very quickly let her feelings known. It's hard to correct your children when it's soooo obvious she is modeling your sin! Sometimes I don't know whether to laugh or cry, usually it's an undercover laugh. Anyway, it started raining that morning and didn't stop until about 1 am. Everything we owned, including the inside of our tent, was wet. That was my least favorite part of the trip. But, even with the tent and everything else wet, it was a blast! We might be getting this camping thing down, because it was the best trip yet! I would go again tomorrow (if my husband were even in the same country as me)! As much as I would love for Jody to bring a baby back from the Philippines, I have to admit there is something really special about the season of life our children are in. It is interesting watching them grow, to see their strengths and weaknesses. It is far from picture perfect, but boy do I enjoy it.

Tyler is learning to drive, and parts of our lives are changing forever. I look forward to this new season with an enormous appreciation for the past. Tyler was my first baby, now he is just my oldest baby! He has given us lots of opportunities for parenting and lots of opportunities to repent. I love being a mommy and I love that my boy is turning more man than boy. I look forward to everything that comes with it, the good and the bad. I look forward to the mistakes we will all make, and the opportunities for growth that will come from it. God is good no matter the situation! I thank God I have a husband who is willing to enter into Tyler's life without an invitation. I thank God he doesn't parent the same way I do, and is willing to do all he does for his family and his children. I am thankful Tyler is still able to spend time with us and go camping. I realize, before I know it this season, too, will be gone!

Shawna

This Homeschoolin' Thang

This time of year it is very easy for me, as a home school Mommy, to lose sight of why we home school. It was very clear, God determined we were to do this. I would have never, EVER, made this decision! Our family has forever been changed by His plans. The changes that would have occurred as a result of my plans would not have been good! Our family has been blessed by being obedient to God and homeschooling.

*To make sure no one is confused or fooled- God had to hit me over the head with a ton of bricks before I saw his desire and would obey (but obey I did!)*.

Academics are important, very important, but they have never been what is most important. As the end of the year draws near and testing rears "it's" head, it's easy to forget, easy to forget why we ever began. But, God is not just God of yesterday, He is God of today and tomorrow. He never fails to remind. He never fails to show what is most important and that He isn't the father of condemnation. He answers prayers! He shines His light on areas my children have grown that I might be standing too close to see. He softens little (and big) hearts. He gives us all opportunities to draw closer to Him. I am certain, for us, for our family, these changes would have taken many more years to occur (if ever) if my children were gone all day.

This is to encourage and serve as a reminder to me and to any of you who might need it.

1. We want our children to have a true and saving relationship with Christ. We want them to desire to please Him above all else.

2. We want our children to have enough knowledge and confidence of their Christian faith to share it with others.

3. We want our children to love to learn.

4. We want our children to have life skills (inside the home and out).

I pray God will be glorified in all that we do!

Shawna

My PaJohn

I asked to be unsettled. I prayed God would search the crevices of my heart and reveal secrets to me. Tonight I feel unsettled, I feel very unsettled. The children are asleep, Jody is in Arkansas and here I am. My grandfather died on Monday-my PaJohn. He no longer had the strength to ward off the cancer that was consuming his body.

I don't doubt God. I don't doubt that His timing is perfect. It was time for my PaJohn to leave this earth. The fact that my sisters, my mom and I, were all camping gave our Mom the opportunity to drive to Pensacola and see her father before he passed away- that wasn't an accident- that was God! God's timing is perfect! I can't imagine how my Mom is feeling. It saddens me to think there will be a day I won't be able to pick up the phone and call my parents. My heart hurts for my Mom, as that day has already arrived. I know only God can console that kind of pain.

My grandfather's death has brought to the surface a flood of emotions for me. There are things I need to deal with, things God has brought to the surface. When I was young I felt abandoned. I wanted to know where I belonged. I wanted to know my place, my place within my family, my place within the world. Unfortunately, I tried on my own to fill many of those voids. I know, without a doubt, had God not intervened things would have ended very badly. I realize there are many new areas in my own heart and in my life that are unsettled. I am a child of God. To deny I still feel somewhat abandoned would be a lie. There are things I haven't wanted to see that God is revealing to me, things I can't ignore.

Tonight I am sad. I'm sad over the hurt and pain of many. I am sad about the view of the church that doesn't represent it correctly. I am sad that others may look at Christianity and not see it for what (I truly believe) it is. It isn't dead! It is very much alive! It isn't mean or a cruel kind of love. My consolation is that the deacon who spoke said my PaJohn came to know Christ. I pray God was working in him. I pray he accepted Jesus as his Savior.

My prayer is one day in heaven, all these relationships will be restored. I pray one day we would be sitting at the feet of Jesus and all the wrongs would be right. All the hurt and pain would go away. I pray my PaJohn would be able to look my Mom in the eyes and tell her how much he loved her and how very proud he was to call her his daughter. I pray he would ask for forgiveness for not being able to do that here on earth. For now, for this night, that has turned into morning, my prayer is God would wrap his arms around my family. I pray for His comfort, the way only He can comfort.

Unsettle me

We are alive! I promise we are!! There isn't a lot of time for blogging right now, but we are still here:)

This is a devotion I absolutely loved!
Written by Lisa Terkeurst

Unsettle me

These are the two words rattling about in my brain today. I almost wish it was a more glamorous prayer. Surely more eloquent words could be found for what I'm feeling led to pursue during this new year. But these are the words - this is the prayer for my 2009.

The funny thing is I've spent my whole existence trying to find a place to settle down, people to settle down with, and a spirit about me worthy of all this settled down-ness. All of this is good. A contented heart, thankful for its blessings is a good way to settle.

But there are areas of my life that have also settled that mock my desires to be godly woman - compromises if you will. Attitudes that I've wrapped in the lie, "Well, that's just how I am. And if that's all the bad that's in me, I'm doing pretty good."

I dare you, dear soul of mine, to notice the stark evidence of a spirit that is tainted and a heart that must be placed under the microscope of God's Word. Yes, indeed, unsettle me Lord.

Unearth that remnant of unforgiveness.

Shake loose that justification for harshness.

Reveal that broken shard of pride.

Expose that tendency to distrust.

Unsettle me in the best kind of way. For when I allow Your touch to reach the deepest parts of me - dark and dingy and hidden away too long - suddenly, a fresh wind of life twists and twirls and dances through my soul.

I can delight in forgiveness and love more deeply.

I can discover my gentle responses and find softer ways for my words to land.

I can recognize the beauty of humility and crave the intimacy with God it unleashes.

I can rest assured though harsh winds blow, I will be held.

Goodbye to my remnants, my justifications, shards, and tendencies. This is not who I am, nor who I was created to be.

Goodbye shallow love, sharp words, self-focus, and suspicious fears. I am an unsettled woman who no longer wishes to take part in your distractions or destructions.

Welcome deeper love, softer words, unleashed intimacy, and the certainty I am held.

Welcome my unsettled heart.
Welcome 2009.

I pray many areas of my life will be unsettled in 2009!
Have a wonderful weekend!

Shawna