Man-Boy (becoming more of a man!)

Seventeen years ago, today, you made your presence into the world. At exactly 9:43 A.M. You arrived. A screaming, chunky, red faced, white haired, ball of love. My life has never been the same!

You have become an amazing young man, and I am proud to be your mom. Tyler your love for those around you is infectious! You are a special young man, and while you are quick to point out you aren't perfect (we are aware of that!), your love for others and your heart amaze me.

God is doing a wonderful work in you! I am blessed to be here to experience all your growing pains- knowing these past seventeen years are drawing you closer to HIM and who HE wants you to be!

If You Only Knew!

There are times when I want to scream at the top of my lungs "IF YOU ONLY KNEW". Those times when people assume your entire life looks like that one glimpse, that one shining moment. The moment when my kids all seem like they are the best of friends. The moment when I was *caught* laying down my selfish desire to give the quick answer, and took the time to teach, or explain. The moment we left the house, to go somewhere, and thankfully left the huge argument we were having at home. The moment we went out to eat and somehow, my children remembered their table manners, even though I hadn't seen them in months! The moment my children remembered to say "Please" or "Thank you", without being reminded and someone assumed I had this entire parenting thing figured out- little did they know!

There are people who have *known* me for years, but haven't *seen* me in years- who think I'm a fraud! They don't know Christ, and don't understand "how or what" happened to me. The pieces to my puzzle don't fit. The funny thing is that they will never fit! It doesn't make sense. Out of all the people in the world God chose to save me- that girl who.....I am right there with you! It DOESN'T make sense! I am SO glad it doesn't have to!!

When I first became a christian, I had this overwhelming feeling like everyone else was perfect, then there was me. I felt like they were going to find out who I was, and ask me what I was doing there. That isn't how God works! God doesn't want those people who have it all figured out. Those poeople who have a perfect life. God wants those who have fallen, who are the weakest. He wants to take someone like you or me, who I am sure many wrote off, and change your (my) life. He wants those of us who are broken, fallen and beyond repair. So that we might bring glory to Him! HE is the only one big enough to help someone like me!

There are times when I share very intimate details of my life with friends who are discouraged, because God can and will use it all! With this bit of information or knowledge they can have hope! If God can redeem, and make good-- ALL I have done. The worst of the worst! They would know just how faithful HE is!

I spent most of my younger years looking for love in all the wrong places! Mainly in boys, yet I swore never get close enough to care about anyone! I was a single mom, who managed to make others think I knew what I was doing. I didn't. I still feel like a kid. Sometimes, I think someone is going to figure out that I'm stumbling my way through this life, and tell me I need adult supervision.

I was, and am, one of the most stubborn, prideful, selfish people I know. I have played the role of the other women, a cheater, liar, thief, gossip and manipulator. I have been an awful friend, wife and mother. I have been a horrible sister and terrible daughter. I have done it all! I have made really bad decisions that I'm not proud of! I know I have been forgiven! BUT, I can tell you I do not look forward to the day I have to look into one of my children's eyes and have *that* conversation. I know they will have a hard time understanding my decisions(even when they're adults). I am the girl who cursed like a sailor, ran away from home on most holidays and was plain lost! At 38, I still struggle with the fact that my biological father never thought I was important enough to truly enter into my life.

I am the girl who thought home school was fine for someone else (meaning those weirdos) , but NOT me!-(God found that really funny!). Now, as I navigate through this home school maze, I am more aware of how big God truly is! Let me make it clear, when we made the decision to home school, I did not have a supernatural moment where God anointed my head with an abundance of grace and patience! Daily, I struggle to respond with grace(sometimes hourly, sometimes by the minute)! There are days when I have no patience. There are days where if you stood at my front door you would have a hard time believing Christ had any influence in my life what-so-ever! Actually, you might call someone to intervene and cast out the demons inside:). I don't think because homeschooling works for us, you should do it. Matter of fact, unless God has called you to it- DON'T! That doesn't mean you won't feel like you're jumping off the side of a cliff if He has called you, but it isn't something that should be entered in to lightly. It calls for some serious prayer and consideration. I believe God has a special plan for you, your family, and your life. Hopefully you aren't as stubborn and rebellious as me, and your transition will be a whole lot easier, than mine was.

I want to be transparent. There are days where my whole life looks like one hot mess! I don't want anyone to ever see a shining moment, or a glimse of my life, and think I have it all figured out. The only things I know, the only areas I have changed are ones God saw fit to change! I want you to know I am flawed, I am corrupt, I am selfish. I am many, many things. It took all those things, the good, the bad, and the ugly to draw me to Christ and for His work to be done in me!

I started by saying there are things I want to scream from the top of my lungs! One thing I want you to know is that I'm probably going to screw up tomorrow! Not mess up! Totally screw up! That isn't what is most important! What is more important than anything I could share about myself, what I would yell from the mountain tops- I am saved by grace. I am forgiven. I am loved! He not only accepts me just like I am, he wants me JUST as I am!

This past year has been one of the busiest yet calmest of my life. I am thankful for every moment- good and bad! I don't know what God has in store for us, the Crotsley Crew. I am praying for HIS will and not mine. I pray I will see the gifts and blessings in it all. I pray I will find joy in the everyday, and that He will continue His work in us (me)no matter how we (I) might fight.

I am still *that* girl! Hopefully, with a lot more stretching and growing I will become a little more comfortable becoming *this* girl! I pray for more growing pains. I pray I would enjoy this year as much, if not more, than last. I pray God would continue to show me his gifts in everyday life. I pray no matter how much it hurts I would grateful for *ALL* of it!

So, now you know, you really know.

Last Friday as I was driving, I was having a quiet moment with God (in a not so quiet car)! God said something to me, before I knew it I was saying out loud and asking Madison to write it down.
This morning as I was texting a friend who is gracious to pray for me. I told her sometimes it is hard to see through the clouds-God reminded me again of what he said to me on Friday.
Sometimes when God talks I don't know if it is just for me, or for someone else. Usually he repeats himself (a lot) until I listen. So I know I am supposed to post this because while it was for me, it wasn't just for me!

You may not understand My plan.....

The light through the clouds you might not see....

Always remember, there is no greater plan....

Then the plan found in ME.......

"The" table

This is "IT".......

(this post begins below)

God Cares About the Details!

This morning as I was reading my bible I was reminded of how God cares about the details of our lives. God has answered many of my hearts desires, before they were even prayers, before I even thought to ask.....He provided!

When Madison was born, Jody and I needed to purchase a new table. Thankfully Jody did most of the work and narrowed the selection down to a couple of pieces he thought I would like. He hit the mark! The kitchen table you see above was perfect! I loved it! It was heavy stone, antiqued, and perfect. It was wonderful, beautiful, and worked.....for about 20 months. Then Jarred was born. The table fit four and very quickly there were 5 of us.

The table no longer served our family, but it was a kitchen table and not a must. We used a folding chair to accommodate all of us, but knew eventually it would be nice to replace it. I occasionally looked on Craigslists for a replacement. We had a very big dining room table so it wasn't a "have to".

Back in April, I was surfing Craigslist and there "IT" was! The table! It was perfect! I drooled, then drooled some more. I called Jody and left him a voice mail. I emailed a copy of the table to a friend so she could drool with me! When Jody called I happily told him I found "THE" table. It was on Craigslist waiting to come home! It was "THE" table we wanted! I was doing the happy dance and celebrating. Then came my reality-most days it comes in the form of Jody, he had one question. One simple question, the one question I didn't want him to ask- "How much was the table?" It wasn't the table, it was "THE" table! The truth was the table was more than we currently had in the "table fund". I stopped dancing, wiped the drool from my chin, and asked what he would like me to do. Jody suggested I get more details about the table to make sure it was a good deal.

Research only confirmed what I knew, that Jody just didn't seem to understand! The table and chairs were not only beautiful, they were also an AMAZING deal! Now I was really sold! It truly was "THE" table! I called Jody at work, to tell him (sell him) on the table. He had a suggestion (that I didn't like). He suggested I email the owner and let her know the amount I could pay. I thought he had lost his mind! What was he talking about?? My plan was for him to pay the difference. It was a VERY reasonable price, a great deal! I would love to say I said "Yes dear" hung up the phone and did as my husband asked, but I can't.....because I didn't.

I researched a little more and sent Jody and email. He is so wise, he just didn't have enough information. I just needed to send him more details in order for him to know this was "THE" table!! I sent an email with all the extra information to help him see what I already knew! It was a great deal, and we didn't want to pass it up!

A few minutes later God entered the picture (as He so faithfully does). I realized it was easy for me to submit when I agree. What about when I don't? What about when I REALLY, REALLY, want something. What about when I know what a great deal something is? I was really convicted about what I had done. I was not trusting or submitting to Jody. I was not showing I trusted his wisdom, or his care for me. Let alone God's!! I sent Jody another email and asked him to please disregard the previous email. I let him know I would do exactly what he had asked me to do in the first place.

I emailed the seller as Jody suggested. She responded, she already had someone coming to look at the chairs. She offered the table for the amount I offered but I knew I had not found "The" table. It was not meant to be. I was surprised that I was not more disappointed, but I was fine. God was gracious, he gave me an opportunity to submit knowing that HIS plan is ALWAYS better than mine! I sent one last email and thanked the seller. I let her know that was great deal, but I couldn't use the table without the chairs. It wasn't something we "had" to have, just something I would like to have. I let her know if for some reason the deal fell through we would give her table a good home and closed the computer. That afternoon as I was walking out the door I said out loud to God "It is important to you that we sit together. You know we use our kitchen table more than any other. I am going to trust you that when the timing is right you will provide". That was the end of that (or so I thought)!

A couple of months later the kids and I are were headed out of town. As I was packing up my lap top up I received an email. It was the seller. Her deal had fallen through. She had kept my email and asked if I was still interested. "What"? She was willing to accept the amount I offered- "What"?. I wrote down her info and proceeded to drive to St. Pete. Jody asked me to call and get the specifics, he and a friend could go by that night. The seller and I played phone tag but we finally talked. She wasn't able to coordinate with the previous person and had kept my email. I let her know that Jody would call and look at/pick up the table.

That evening when Jody called he informed me had a couple of strange conversations with the owner. He knew what she was having for dinner. The activities her kids were involved in, but couldn't get a time to look at the table. Jody continued to try to make arrangements with no success. When I arrived back in town she called out of the blue and gave us a very small window to come and see the table, and pick it up. At this point my realistic husband is questioning the safety of going and probably the sanity of his wife:)!

We went. It was love at first site! It was "The" perfect table. Jody and Tyler loaded it in our trailer, and brought "The" table to it's new home.

I placed our kitchen table on Craigslist. I had one inquiry. I had one offer. She came to look at it, fell in love. "IT" was now her perfect table.

Every time we sit down to eat or I walk by the kitchen I am soooo reminded of how God cares about the details of my life. He cares about my hearts desires. I am in awe of a God who would provide something so small, yet so great! I am amazed at his grace for my family, for the way he has knitted us together. I am amazed at his care for me.

When I began this walk I had no idea of the great adventures God had in store for me. I am amazed at the treasures he has shown and the future he has in store for us. I know God is real and living! He can, and will make himself known in ways that we will never understand! In ways that affect our hearts and speak directly to us. My walk isn't going to look like any one's, but my own. I know that I am loved, that I am forgiven. I have been promised a treasure that is far better than any I could have ever planned for myself.

I will post a picture of our new table tomorrow. We have had it for months, so it isn't so new. But, how God could use a kitchen table to confirm his care and love for me- will never get old!

12 Days of Christmas- The Best Present Ever!!

I declare we have discovered the best Christmas present ever! It doesn't take batteries, and doesn't need to be wound up! If you give it a try I am positive it is something you and your family may never forget!

Two years ago a friend mentioned she picks a family and does the 12 days of Christmas for them. I had never heard of it before, but loved the idea. She and her family would sneak around and drop off little gifts with a note that represented the 12 days of Christmas! We did it last year , and it was by far the best part of our Christmas!

Step 1- Pick a family or person who lives CLOSE! We picked a neighbor we didn't know. She was a widow and after praying about it we felt she was who we should bless. It is important the person lives close, especially if the kids are going to help. We did ours all hours of the night to make sure we didn't get caught.

Step 2- Plan out and purchase for your 12 days. Purchase and gather everything ahead of time! This will eliminate any last minute shopping. This really saved us last year because on day 3 I came down with the flu. I was bed ridden and could not participate, but since everything was ready Jody and the kids had no problems completing it. It also helped our delivery- if we were headed out we would just bring that nights "gifts" with us and do the drop off on our way back home. We called it "Ring and Run" minus the ringing:)!

Step 3- On December 13th the fun begins and continues until Christmas Eve. You have to dress up in all black, sneak through the neighborhood and drop off your little treats without getting caught....think military mission- Tyler, Madison and Jarred loved this part! It is important not to get caught.
(Disclaimer-The actual 12 days of Christmas begins on Christmas day, we do it leading up to Christmas day, it helped us remember the true meaning of Christmas during all the holiday madness)

We really had no idea how our neighbor felt about what we were doing. We didn't know her, our relationship consisted of saying hello and waving as she walked her dog. In October Tyler received a phone call from "her", she was having trouble walking her dog and wanted to know if he could help. Tyler began walking her dog 3 times a day, and has been ever since (a relationship only God could have ordained). About a month ago she asked Tyler if he was responsible for the "Secret Santa" gifts. We don't advocate lying in our house, but Tyler knew he couldn't tell our secret. He denied being involved, she went into detail about what happened and how much it blessed her "It may not have meant a lot to other people, but to an old person like me it meant the world."

So there it is....The best holiday gift our family has ever given or received! We included the christian meaning behind the song in ours:). The cost is pretty low but I truly think it will be one of those things our kids will remember and I hope to continue for many years to come.

Note- The person thinks they are going to find out who we are in the end, but we keep it a secret. We hope (if possible) they will try it themselves on a fellow neighbor, but our desire it to bless them and part of that is that they don't know who we are- it always makes it a lot of fun!
...................................................................................
(The Initial Poem)

This Christmas season is so full of fun.
We’re happy to share with your family, then run.
How grateful we are that you’re playing our game.
You’ll now find that Christmas won’t be the same.

The song that we sing twelve days in a row
Won’t get tiresome with treats from friends you know.
But to keep up the mystery and the fun,
You won’t know who we are until we’re all done!

Each night we’ll bring something
Please don’t watch for us coming.
If you catch us too soon,
It will spoil the fun that’s coming!

Tonight calls for a partridge for your pear tree,
But partridges are tough catches, you see.
Now, how about some pears, instead of the bird.
They taste very good, or so we have heard.
[Basket of Pears or Canned Pears]


On the 1st day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

A Partridge in a Pear Tree
The partridge in a pear tree is Jesus Christ, the Son of God, whose birthday we celebrate on December 25. In the song, Christ is symbolically presented as a mother partridge that feigns injury to decoy predators from her helpless nestlings, recalling the expression of Christ's sadness over the fate of Jerusalem: "Jerusalem! Jerusalem! How often would I have sheltered you under my wings, as a hen does her chicks, but you would not have it so . . . ." (Luke 13:34)


On the 2nd day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Two Turtle Doves
The Old and New Testaments, which together bear witness to God's self-revelation in history and the creation of a people to tell the Story of God to the world.

Did you know two turtle doves are
Extremely hard to find?
So here are Turtles ‘n Dove—
The chocolate candy kind!
[Turtle and Dove Candy]



On the 3rd day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Three French Hens
The Three Theological Virtues: 1) Faith, 2) Hope, and 3) Love (1 Corinthians 13:13)

Hens are chickens
If they are French or not!
Here is chicken soup
To heat in a pot.
(Can of Chicken Soup)


On the 4th day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Four Calling Birds
The Four Gospels: 1) Matthew, 2) Mark, 3) Luke, and 4) John, which proclaim the Good News of God's reconciliation of the world to Himself in Jesus Christ.

Four calling birds, we can’t pay the fare,
For all we have is a purse full of air.
As Christmas approaches, and calls you must make,
Don’t use these gold coins or the phone you may break.
[Gold chocolate coins]



On the 5th day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Five Gold Rings
The first Five Books of the Old Testament, known as the Torah or the Pentateuch: 1) Genesis, 2) Exodus, 3) Leviticus, 4) Numbers, and 5) Deuteronomy, which gives the history of humanity's sinful failure and God's response of grace in the creation of a people to be a light to the world.

Only five golden rings?
There really are more
Of gold pineapple rings
I got from the store.



On the 6th day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Six Geese A-laying
The six days of creation that confesses God as Creator and Sustainer of the world (Genesis 1).

Six geese-a-laying– an interesting sight.
One of them squawked and they all took flight.
What they left in their nest, you’ll just have to look,
But with these you won’t want to cook.
[eggs, plastic swan cups with chocolate inside, chocolate eggs]


On the 7th day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Seven Swans A-swimming
The seven gifts of the Holy Spirit: 1) prophecy, 2) ministry, 3) teaching, 4) exhortation, 5) giving, 6) leading, and 7) compassion (Romans 12:6-8; cf. 1 Corinthians 12:8-11)

The 7th day of Christmas and we are half way done,
Remember no peeking or you’ll spoil the fun.
On this day of Christmas, how nice it would be,
If seven swans a swimming your family could see.
The pond was quite empty since the swans have gone further south,
We only found goldfish to put in your mouth.
[Goldfish crackers]



On the 8th day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Eight Maids A-milking
The eight Beatitudes: 1) Blessed are the poor in spirit, 2) those who mourn, 3) the meek, 4) those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, 5) the merciful, 6) the pure in heart, 7) the peacemakers, 8) those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake. (Matthew 5:3-10)

The maids were all milking,
Milk foaming like suds.
Quickly they all vanished
Leaving just "Milk Duds".
(box of Milk Duds)



On the 9th day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Nine Ladies Dancing
The nine Fruit of the Holy Spirit: 1) love, 2) joy, 3) peace, 4) patience, 5) kindness,
6) generosity, 7) faithfulness, 8) gentleness, and 9) self-control. (Galatians 5:22)

Nine ladies dancing would be too big a crowd,
Besides their music is way too loud.
We have for you Christmas songs,
That you can listen to all season long.
(A Christmas CD)


On the 10th day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Ten Lords A-leaping
The ten commandments: 1) You shall have no other gods before me; 2) Do not make an idol; 3) Do not take God's name in vain; 4) Remember the Sabbath Day; 5) Honor your father and mother; 6) Do not murder; 7) Do not commit adultery; 8) Do not steal; 9) Do not bear false witness; 10) Do not covet. (Exodus 20:1-17)

Ten lords a leaping would be an awesome gift,
But they got stuck while jumping through a white snowdrift.
We had to be content, you see, to watch the popcorn fly.
So we’ve added a sweet topping to it for you to try.
[Caramel popcorn, popcorn toppings]



On the 11th day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Eleven Pipers Piping
The eleven Faithful Apostles: 1) Simon Peter, 2) Andrew, 3) James, 4) John, 5) Philip, 6) Bartholomew, 7) Matthew, 8) Thomas, 9) James bar Alphaeus, 10) Simon the Zealot, 11) Judas bar James. (Luke 6:14-16). The list does not include the twelfth disciple, Judas Iscariot who betrayed Jesus to the religious leaders and the Romans.

Those eleven pipers piping reminds us of our plumber,
To leave him on the doorstep would be a real bummer.
Now make your water piping hot, and fill your cups with care.
We’re giving you some hot chocolate we know you’ll love to share

We simply can’t believe this game is almost through.
We’ve had a jolly time bringing these gifts to you.
With only one more night, don’t you wish you knew,
Just exactly who we are and why we’re doing this for you?



On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Twelve Drummers Drumming
The twelve points of doctrine in the Apostles' Creed: 1) I believe in God, the Father almighty, creator of heaven and earth. 2) I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord. 3) He was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit and born of the virgin Mary. 4) He suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and buried. 5) On the third day he rose again from the dead. 6) He ascended into Heaven. 7)and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty. 8) from thence He shall come to judge th living and the dead. 9) I believe in the Holy Spirit, 10) the one holy Christian Church, the fellowship of saints, 11) the forgiveness of sins, 12) the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting.


(Final Poem)
Christmas Eve has arrived, and on this our last night,
One dozen drummers would be a grand sight.
But the noise of their drums would hurt your head,
So eat all these cookies we bring you instead.
(Homemade Cookies)

The thing to now remember, if you’ve had lots of fun
When next December rolls around it's your turn to make the nightly runs.
Make sure you pick your family with tender, loving care
‘Cause its fun to get to spoil them at this special time of year.

And so we wish you a joyous Noel,
We know that you’re hoping our name we will tell.
But our name stays a secret, we just cannot share.
It wouldn’t be right, no it wouldn’t, so there!

Merry Christmas!

Some Things Never Change!

Tyler reading his science on top of the tree house this morning. Our kids enjoy the flexibility of reading where they like, I am pretty sure that will never change!

We have had a very busy summer! We went camping, Jody and I had a wonderful anniversary trip, and the kids and I traveled quite a bit for Classical Conversations. We've had to be very purposeful to make time for others and not get caught up in our lives (which I will confess happened(happens) anyway!). It hasn't left much time for blogging:)!

We are back into the full swing of school. Tyler is in 10th grade, I have to admit this year has been a little frightening for me! I really understand why some people don't home-school during the High School years!! There is a lot of pressure to serve our children and make sure we are providing the best education we can for them. It can be very intimidating to know we, Jody and I, are responsible for not only teaching Tyler but preparing him for the rest of his life -but- that is the whole reason we home-school!

Madison and Jarred are trudging along in 4th grade, and both doing well. We still only test Jarred for the grade he is supposed to be in (3rd), but at some point that might change. Homeschooling is hard work! There are days I don't feel like doing it. There are days my kids wish they had another teacher! I get asked how I do it all and the real answer is- I DON'T! I am not capable of doing it all! Only by the grace of God does any of it get done. To be honest, if you walk into my house it is probably clean, it isn't spotless, but yes- it's clean. I cook dinner almost every night. My kids are getting a better education than I did. But, it is a lot of hard work! I constantly fight the temptation to give into selfishness or laziness. There are days I would rather cook all day. There are days I don't want to do anything but paint or decorate. Those aren't bad desires in themselves, but could quickly become my priority with out some boundaries. I enjoy cleaning (I know for some that isn't normal)! If you remember I am an instant results kind of girl! Cleaning gives me instant results. If left to myself I would rather clean than play with my kids. Thankfully God made me aware of this years ago, but it still creeps up.

Thankfully I serve a God who is bigger than me! He makes me aware of the many idols in my life and gave me friends to hold me accountable! I am not sold out on home-school. I don't believe it is the only way! There are great kids who love the lord who graduate from public school. We aren't better or superior because we home school! We aren't sure how much longer, Tyler, will even be home schooled. Things like the Crotsley kids finding their own little spots to read doesn't seem like it will ever change. They way we home-school, what the kids are into, the activities they are involved in, seem to change weekly:)!

For now, we feel this is where we are supposed to be. This is what God has for us. I fall asleep at night exhausted and sometimes question what in the world I'm doing! Most of the time I am aware of how special it is to have this time with my kids. I am aware of the work God is doing in all of us, even when it hurts! I really enjoy my children and I am blessed to have the opportunity to stay home with them, even if it is exhausting!

Cinnamon Granola w/Coconut

This is a great granola recipe. If you have never made your own granola I strongly suggest you give it a try- I promise you won't regret it!

It's great on yogurt, as a cereal, on top of ice cream or with fruit. It is so much less expensive to make yourself.

8 cups rolled oats
2 T Cinnamon
2 Cups flaked unsweetened Coconut
½ Cup Raw Sesame Seeds
½ Cup Golden Flax Seed
¼ Cup Cornmeal
½ Cup Raw Wheat Germ
1 ½ Cups Light Brown Sugar
½ Cup Water
1 Cup Oil
2 teaspoons Vanilla

Nuts are a great option
If you want to add raisins do so after it has cooled.

Instructions:

1. In a large mixing bowl, combine first seven ingredients.

2. Combine brown sugar and water in a saucepan over medium-low heat, stirring until sugar dissolves. Increase heat to medium and bring to a boil; reduce heat to low and cook stir for 1 minute. Remove from heat and add oil to the vanilla.

3. Pour syrup mixture over dry ingredients, stirring to coat. Grease two 10x15-inch jelly roll pans and pour half of the granola in each pan, spreading evenly (do not press down though!)

4. Bake at 275 for 60-70 minutes until lightly browned and toasted (not burnt!)

5. Cool in pans on wire racks. Using a spatula flip granola in large chunks after 10 mins of cooling. When completely cooled store in airtight container or Ziplock bag.

I add nuts before baking and sometimes raisins afterwards.

Words...

I am very aware of how my words can and do affect those around me. What takes days, weeks, or years to build up, takes only moments for me to tear down. I love those God moments, when good seeds are planted without anyone ever knowing. This week God revealed a couple of those moments and how words impact our lives.

Thursday, as we were driving back from Precious Granny's, I realized my BFF was not going to be available to (do her usual bailout) frenchbraid Madison's hair for dance rehearsal the following day. I called another dear friend, who thankfully, has all those girly skills, and can frenchbraid. As this friend was braiding her hair I tried to explain how it looked previously. In the middle of our conversation Madison ran to her room and brought out a special scrapbook Laura had given her last year. Inside was the picture I posted above of the the two of them together. In the little scrapbook were some very sincere words of encouragement.

As Madison rehearsed on stage, I video taped. During rehearsal I try to get her by herself. It gives Madison a chance to see how she dances and how much she has changed over the year. At some point during the dance she walked towards the left side of the stage with her hand held out. The words to the song were "I will follow you" (those are words every mom wants and hopes for her children). A tear rolled down my cheek and I prayed very hard that would truly be her life long desire- "To follow Him".

With rehearsal over, we went to have our traditional dinner together (thanks for those words Michelle- you constantly challenge me in area of "making" special moments!). As we sat down, I asked if she wanted to pray, she did. She prayed (wonderful words) and asked God to remind her of what Laura told her last year (the words that are also in her scrapbook) "She was dancing for God". She asked for God to be glorified in her dance and that she would forget anyone else was there. Words she has heard from precious Laura. God has used Laura's words to plant seeds in Madison's tender heart. They are words that come from a sincere place that Madison has grown to love. This year Laura sacrificed her Friday nights to help with Madison's dance class. She is 15, and already knows what it means to sacrifice for others. I see it in how she serves her mother, her family,and others. She has been purposeful (with her words, and her actions)to pray for Madison, to seek her, or see and ask how she is doing. She has been purposeful in using words to help mold my daughter into who she is becoming. I don't think she quite understands the power of her words. As a Mom watching I know the effect she has on my daughter, I am ever so thankful for sweet words spoken by her and others to my children.

As I watched Laura on stage, I was aware (more than ever) of her love for the Lord. God has a special purpose for Laura's life! God has made me more aware of words the last couple of weeks, how they can be used for good and how harmful they can be. I think about my children and the words I use when speaking to them. Words that can lift up and words that tear down. How I desire control, more than I desire to bring glory to God. How I can place my desires ahead of what would bring glory to God!

I am encouraged and challenged by what God has shown me and the work he graciously so desires to do in me. I am thankful for "little friends" (who really aren't so little) who are living for God and the great testomony they are to me! I'm thankful for all the words God has shown me recently, and the ultimate word...His! I am amazed at how God can and does use them and how they can change lives. I pray God will continue to pierce my heart with His words and continue to show me examples of where my words may hurt and where they help.

Tyler's First Car........

Jody sent this picure from the Phillipines. We are considering purchasing one just like it for Tyler's first car!!

What's for Dinner?

When we initially contemplated home schooling a very dear friend said "dinner will never be on the table again"! She was being honest about an area in which she struggled. At that moment I knew I would need to be purposeful in meal planning.

My husband is very gracious. He understands what it takes to keep things running around here. He never complains about what I serve for dinner, except for the time I made cauliflower mash potatoes:). My desire isn't to be a homemaker that gives no thought to her meals. I don't want to serve my family whatever is the quickest to make (not that there aren't times for that!). I desire to bring glory to God in my daily life. I serve my family much better when I am being purposeful, planning, and I am prepared, especially when it comes to meals.

My husband has blessed or surprised me, on occasion, with dinner. I can even remember making a call, or two, in tears asking (begging) him to bring dinner home (I just want to keep it real). I'm happy to say, that by God's grace, those have been very rare occasions. I want my husband to know he is coming home to dinner. I want to bless and serve him. He works very hard for our family, I, in return want to work hard for him.

It would be very easy to justify my way out of dinner. I am busy! Home schooling, housekeeping, being a taxi driver, the list goes on. Those are just a few good things that we (I) can use as an excuse. But that isn't what we, as homemakers, are called to do. It wouldn't serve our families, our bodies, or our budgets. God is calling us to give our best! I think the special people in our lives deserve our very best!!

My dear friend was not trying to discourage me! Her statement revealed an area I needed to be aware of, an area I still need to be aware of! I have had many struggles and issues (still do!) but for the most part, and by the grace of God, this has not been one of them. I have my friend and her transparency to thank for that!


Here are a few things I have learned that have helped.

1. Menus I check the freezer and pantry to see what I have on hand. I normally ask the kids and Jody if there is anything special they would like. If I still need ideas I go through one of my cookbooks (a notebook of clear page protectors filled with recipes I already know my family enjoys). After I have a week (or two) of meals I start my grocery list. I have a computer printout of our most common purchased items. After this is printed out I send Jarred and/or Madison running through the house, in record speed, to see if the item needs to be replaced (we call this fun!) Then, I go through the menu or recipes noting any item I need. I try not to be ruled by my menu. If I planned on chicken but then decided it didn't sound good, I just pick something else. I no longer assign a dish to each night. When I first started I did. But, I had too many internal conflicts with the half of me that is the rule follower, and the other half that is a rule breaker!!

2. Repeats We have certain nights where we have the same meal, this simplifies things for me. Every Friday night is pizza night in the Crotsley household. It could be homemade, frozen, or from a restaurant. All of that depends on our season of life and what the budget allows. Saturday nights are usually burgers or something cooked on the grill. Sunday nights I try to cook something I know will have leftovers for Jody's lunch on Monday. I can't forget the family favorite- breakfast for dinner (this doesn't have a specific night, but is always a winner).

3. 10:00 am Meal Prep At about 10:00 everyday, when the kids are doing their independent work, I start prepping today's meal and planning tomorrow's. I start with the tomorrow's meal, it might be as simple as pulling hamburger meat from the freezer, or double checking I have everything I need for a recipe. Sometimes I might need to think a couple of days out- a roast might need longer to defrost, or a meat might need to marinade over night. This really helps take the panic out of dinnertime. If I need to pick something up I can do it while I'm already out, instead of making a 5:00 mad dash to the grocery store. After tomorrow's meal has been figured out I begin on today's. It's already in the refrigerator waiting on me, ready to prep or cook. This might look like cooking hamburger meat 10:15 for taco's. At 6:00 when things get a little crazy, dinner is a snap. I have already shredded cheese, cooked meat, or cut whatever I could in order to pull dinner together quickly. It's probably the most productive 30 minutes in my day.

4. Your freezer is your friend I freeze food whenever possible. I don't cook an entire month's worth at a time (it didn't work for me). I love being able to pull a healthy meal from my freezer when time might be limited. It's like having unhealthy convienance food without the unhealthy. I have found if I am making a meal my family loves, it makes sense to double the recipe. A perfect example of this is tonight's dinner, which is Black Bean Chimichangas. Yesterday I pulled a zip lock bag of the filling from the freezer. Today during my "prep time" I filled tortillas with the filling and back in the fridge they went. Today at dinner time I let the dish come to room temperature and all I had to do was place them in the oven. Dinner done! I freeze muffins, breakfast breads, dinners and some desserts. When we don't have ingredients for a recipe, or something doesn't sound good I have a healthy back up. Your freezer really can be your best friend!

I hope you can use some of these ideas and it gets you cookin'!

So here's what's for dinner-tonight we will have Black Bean Chimichangas. Tomorrow we will have Sticky Chicken for dinner (the recipe is below). Yesterday I pulled a chicken from the freezer to defrost. Today I put the rub on it. Tomorrow I will put it in the oven and make sure I have all my vegetables prepared to go with it.

One of my favorite places to get recipes is from Allrecipes.com. If you haven't been there you should check it out. .

Roast Sticky Chicken-Rotisserie Style

Ingredients:
4 teaspoons salt
2 teaspoons paprika
1 teaspoon onion powder
1 teaspoon dried thyme
1 teaspoon white pepper 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
2 onions, quartered
2 (4 pound) whole chickens

Directions:
1. In a small bowl, mix together salt, paprika, onion powder, thyme, white pepper, black pepper, cayenne pepper, and garlic powder. Remove and discard giblets from chicken. Rinse chicken cavity, and pat dry with paper towel. Rub each chicken inside and out with spice mixture. Place 1 onion into the cavity of each chicken. Place chickens in a resealable bag or double wrap with plastic wrap. Refrigerate overnight, or at least 4 to 6 hours.
2. Preheat oven to 250 degrees F (120 degrees C).
3. Place chickens in a roasting pan. Bake uncovered for 5 hours, to a minimum internal temperature of 180 degrees F (85 degrees C). Let the chickens stand for 10 minutes before carving.

Manboy- More Man than Boy!!

While we were camping in South Carolina Tyler turned 15. We celebrated his birthday by the campfire with one of his favorite meals, steak kabobs with tons of veggies. Tyler, his Daddy, and brother shared an entire ice cream cake. It was a small cake, but I believe it was supposed to serve 8. They enjoyed it, Madison and I were happy no one threw up! We had one of the best camping trips we have ever had. Tyler would tell you it was one of the best ways to turn 15.

I love camping! I know, I can't believe I am saying it myself. But, I love the forced family time. I love not having the daily distractions and just being together. I also love that my boys can get as dirty as they want and I don't have to clean up after them (much!). We camped at Table Rock Mountain. We were hiking up the mountain when it started to rain. We had to hike back down 2 1/2 hours in the rain. This gave lots of opportunities to parent and deal with heart issues. The princess of the family (no, that is not me!) didn't enjoy this much. She was cold and very quickly let her feelings known. It's hard to correct your children when it's soooo obvious she is modeling your sin! Sometimes I don't know whether to laugh or cry, usually it's an undercover laugh. Anyway, it started raining that morning and didn't stop until about 1 am. Everything we owned, including the inside of our tent, was wet. That was my least favorite part of the trip. But, even with the tent and everything else wet, it was a blast! We might be getting this camping thing down, because it was the best trip yet! I would go again tomorrow (if my husband were even in the same country as me)! As much as I would love for Jody to bring a baby back from the Philippines, I have to admit there is something really special about the season of life our children are in. It is interesting watching them grow, to see their strengths and weaknesses. It is far from picture perfect, but boy do I enjoy it.

Tyler is learning to drive, and parts of our lives are changing forever. I look forward to this new season with an enormous appreciation for the past. Tyler was my first baby, now he is just my oldest baby! He has given us lots of opportunities for parenting and lots of opportunities to repent. I love being a mommy and I love that my boy is turning more man than boy. I look forward to everything that comes with it, the good and the bad. I look forward to the mistakes we will all make, and the opportunities for growth that will come from it. God is good no matter the situation! I thank God I have a husband who is willing to enter into Tyler's life without an invitation. I thank God he doesn't parent the same way I do, and is willing to do all he does for his family and his children. I am thankful Tyler is still able to spend time with us and go camping. I realize, before I know it this season, too, will be gone!

Shawna

This Homeschoolin' Thang

This time of year it is very easy for me, as a home school Mommy, to lose sight of why we home school. It was very clear, God determined we were to do this. I would have never, EVER, made this decision! Our family has forever been changed by His plans. The changes that would have occurred as a result of my plans would not have been good! Our family has been blessed by being obedient to God and homeschooling.

*To make sure no one is confused or fooled- God had to hit me over the head with a ton of bricks before I saw his desire and would obey (but obey I did!)*.

Academics are important, very important, but they have never been what is most important. As the end of the year draws near and testing rears "it's" head, it's easy to forget, easy to forget why we ever began. But, God is not just God of yesterday, He is God of today and tomorrow. He never fails to remind. He never fails to show what is most important and that He isn't the father of condemnation. He answers prayers! He shines His light on areas my children have grown that I might be standing too close to see. He softens little (and big) hearts. He gives us all opportunities to draw closer to Him. I am certain, for us, for our family, these changes would have taken many more years to occur (if ever) if my children were gone all day.

This is to encourage and serve as a reminder to me and to any of you who might need it.

1. We want our children to have a true and saving relationship with Christ. We want them to desire to please Him above all else.

2. We want our children to have enough knowledge and confidence of their Christian faith to share it with others.

3. We want our children to love to learn.

4. We want our children to have life skills (inside the home and out).

I pray God will be glorified in all that we do!

Shawna

My PaJohn

I asked to be unsettled. I prayed God would search the crevices of my heart and reveal secrets to me. Tonight I feel unsettled, I feel very unsettled. The children are asleep, Jody is in Arkansas and here I am. My grandfather died on Monday-my PaJohn. He no longer had the strength to ward off the cancer that was consuming his body.

I don't doubt God. I don't doubt that His timing is perfect. It was time for my PaJohn to leave this earth. The fact that my sisters, my mom and I, were all camping gave our Mom the opportunity to drive to Pensacola and see her father before he passed away- that wasn't an accident- that was God! God's timing is perfect! I can't imagine how my Mom is feeling. It saddens me to think there will be a day I won't be able to pick up the phone and call my parents. My heart hurts for my Mom, as that day has already arrived. I know only God can console that kind of pain.

My grandfather's death has brought to the surface a flood of emotions for me. There are things I need to deal with, things God has brought to the surface. When I was young I felt abandoned. I wanted to know where I belonged. I wanted to know my place, my place within my family, my place within the world. Unfortunately, I tried on my own to fill many of those voids. I know, without a doubt, had God not intervened things would have ended very badly. I realize there are many new areas in my own heart and in my life that are unsettled. I am a child of God. To deny I still feel somewhat abandoned would be a lie. There are things I haven't wanted to see that God is revealing to me, things I can't ignore.

Tonight I am sad. I'm sad over the hurt and pain of many. I am sad about the view of the church that doesn't represent it correctly. I am sad that others may look at Christianity and not see it for what (I truly believe) it is. It isn't dead! It is very much alive! It isn't mean or a cruel kind of love. My consolation is that the deacon who spoke said my PaJohn came to know Christ. I pray God was working in him. I pray he accepted Jesus as his Savior.

My prayer is one day in heaven, all these relationships will be restored. I pray one day we would be sitting at the feet of Jesus and all the wrongs would be right. All the hurt and pain would go away. I pray my PaJohn would be able to look my Mom in the eyes and tell her how much he loved her and how very proud he was to call her his daughter. I pray he would ask for forgiveness for not being able to do that here on earth. For now, for this night, that has turned into morning, my prayer is God would wrap his arms around my family. I pray for His comfort, the way only He can comfort.

Unsettle me

We are alive! I promise we are!! There isn't a lot of time for blogging right now, but we are still here:)

This is a devotion I absolutely loved!
Written by Lisa Terkeurst

Unsettle me

These are the two words rattling about in my brain today. I almost wish it was a more glamorous prayer. Surely more eloquent words could be found for what I'm feeling led to pursue during this new year. But these are the words - this is the prayer for my 2009.

The funny thing is I've spent my whole existence trying to find a place to settle down, people to settle down with, and a spirit about me worthy of all this settled down-ness. All of this is good. A contented heart, thankful for its blessings is a good way to settle.

But there are areas of my life that have also settled that mock my desires to be godly woman - compromises if you will. Attitudes that I've wrapped in the lie, "Well, that's just how I am. And if that's all the bad that's in me, I'm doing pretty good."

I dare you, dear soul of mine, to notice the stark evidence of a spirit that is tainted and a heart that must be placed under the microscope of God's Word. Yes, indeed, unsettle me Lord.

Unearth that remnant of unforgiveness.

Shake loose that justification for harshness.

Reveal that broken shard of pride.

Expose that tendency to distrust.

Unsettle me in the best kind of way. For when I allow Your touch to reach the deepest parts of me - dark and dingy and hidden away too long - suddenly, a fresh wind of life twists and twirls and dances through my soul.

I can delight in forgiveness and love more deeply.

I can discover my gentle responses and find softer ways for my words to land.

I can recognize the beauty of humility and crave the intimacy with God it unleashes.

I can rest assured though harsh winds blow, I will be held.

Goodbye to my remnants, my justifications, shards, and tendencies. This is not who I am, nor who I was created to be.

Goodbye shallow love, sharp words, self-focus, and suspicious fears. I am an unsettled woman who no longer wishes to take part in your distractions or destructions.

Welcome deeper love, softer words, unleashed intimacy, and the certainty I am held.

Welcome my unsettled heart.
Welcome 2009.

I pray many areas of my life will be unsettled in 2009!
Have a wonderful weekend!

Shawna

Thankfulness!

Thanksgiving at our house was very low key but wonderful! We didn't take many pictures but I did have to share Tyler's very chocolaty one!! This picture was taken after my sister blessed Tyler with a piece of chocolate pie on the face (I think he had it coming but the jury is still out on that one).

My sister and her family came over, the kids had lots of fun! My sister and I are close in age (20 months apart). This coming March I will turn 37, my sister will still be 37 until March 30th. When we were kids I was quick to let her know we were the same age and she could no longer tell me what to do, not my best moment but very true!

I see God working in our relationship, I see him helping us both grow. Kim is more than my sister, she is my sister in Christ. God is helping us to cultivate a relationship that brings glory to Him. I have to say that isn't always comfortable for me, at times- I desire my way instead of HIS! As I sat at the table with my sister and her family this Thanksgiving He graciously reminded me of the work He is doing in us. I am so very thankful for that. His care for me shows in so many ways but one of the biggest is in my relationship with my sister. I pray that God will continue to work in both of us and His will in our lives will be done! I never appreciated have an older sister as a kid, certainly not one who was right so much! My sister and I talk daily but more importantly she speaks into my life. She is still the wiser older sister, but thankfully not as bossy!

Kim I am thankful for you prayers and for your care. I am thankful that out of all the sisters in the world you are mine!

Boofy if you are reading this you know that you are the best little sister I have ever had!!

I love you both very much!

Shawna

Madison's Birthday Camping Trip

Happy Birthday Madison!

I remember the first moment we met. Your strawberry blond hair, your red wrinkled skin. Your head was so perfect and round. I couldn't get enough of your smell. You were so sweet as you laid in my arms, it was love at first site. I would hold you all day and never get enough! I didn't want you to grow, I knew it was bound to happen but I fought it every step of the way!

Here we are 9 years later. I'm not even sure how that happened! I know it doesn't seem time has gone by quickly but trust mommy it has! You are such a sweet young lady. Being your mother is one of the greatest joys in my life. I am so proud and happy to call you my daughter. What a blessing you are to me and our family. I am amazed at how God is already working in your little heart. You are the best kitchen helper a mommy could ask for. You are smart and creative and on your way to being the world's best baby sitter!

Out of all the daughters in the world God knew you were the perfect one for me! My heart belonged to you the first time I ever saw your sweet little face. It blesses me to know more and more your heart belongs to God. Happy Birthday Sweet Princess!

Love,

Mommy

THE Ultimate Date Night

It may seem a little weird but I remember what I was doing this very week 8 years ago. Jody and I were on a date. The babysitter was watching (our two) children. Madison was almost a year old. She was about as cute and as much as I thought any one mommy could handle. Tyler was 6 years old and very smitten with Madison. He was really enjoying his big brother role (now there are days he doesn't seem to enjoy that same role as much:)! I'm not sure whether we knew it or not, but I was about a month pregnant with Jarred.

This was no ordinary date. This date would be unlike any we had ever experienced in our lives. After this one night we would forever be changed. I know what you are thinking, this must have been a pretty amazing date! It was! It was the most important night of my life! So, you would think a night that important I would remember all the details right? Wrong! Neither of us remembers much. This is where I can share one regret in my life -not keeping a journal! I would love to look back and see what I was thinking. I would love to know all the details about how I felt prior to going. Did I think Jody was crazy? Would I rather be going to a club? I didn't have a clue how that night was going to affect me (I might have chickened out had I known). This is my feeble attempt to tell the most amazing story of my life.

Jody and I were meeting some very special friends Joe, Jean and another friend Vanessa at Alltel stadium. We were going to the Billy Graham Crusade. When Jody and I reminisce about this day, neither of us knows why we went. I do remember Jody calling from work to tell me what was on the agenda for the evening. I still wonder what we were thinking? What was our motivation? Did we go because we thought we would be entertained? We could have gone because my mind set was "a date anywhere would be better than no date at all". Maybe we went because it was Billy Graham and we wanted to be able to say we saw him. Any friends I would of had at the time would not have been impressed. Ultimately I know why we went, but I still wonder why we thought we were going. I don't know what we were expecting, but what happened far exceeded any expectations either of us could have ever had.


This is what I do remember and what I will never forget. Everything seemed fine, I don't think I was very emotional (I know some of you won't believe that, but I used to be pretty tough)! Towards the end of the evening I remember bowing my head in prayer. The instant I did, something in me broke. I was filled with so much emotion, I couldn't make it go away. I was sitting next Jody but I felt as though I was there all by myself. I was crying and it wasn't baby tears, it was years of suppressed tears. The ugly kind that came with lots of snot. I was pleading with God to make it stop, I was embarrassed. I was having conversations with God and he wasn't listening very well! I thought for sure Jody thought I was going nuts. Why can't I turn this nozzle off? I refused to lift my head, it was ugly and I didn't want anyone else to see me. I demanded God tell me what he wanted so this could stop. Then I remember thinking "I am not going down there. I can't answer that alter call. If I go down on that field Jody will think I have lost my mind! God, this could cost me my marriage. I can't raise these kids on my own. I can't do this. I am not going to make that walk (from what seemed like the top of a mountain) down to that field! I might get lost in that crowd, there are so many people. I might not be able to find Jody afterwards. Heck, he might be so embarrassed, he may decide to leave me here. Orange Park was way too far away for me to walk home, I'm not good with directions. God you have the wrong person, this isn't for me."

I cried and cried. It felt as though the tears were never going to stop, it seemed as though there was no end in sight. At some point, Jody very softly took my hand and placed it in his. I needed my hand to wipe the tears and snot away but I needed Jody to hold it even more. Apart from holding my hand I don't know what Jody was doing. Time stood still, those few moments seemed like hours. I was busy, I was battling God and trying to get him to see things my way! I kept arguing and praying. There was a thought that I couldn't get out of my head. It had to do with Jody and a past experience with religion. I felt like religion was going to be off limits. I felt I would have to make a decision between Jody and God and I was telling God my decision and it wasn't going to be God. I thought I would go mad sitting there. My life was just starting to make a little sense and now it was getting turned upside down all over again. "God" I pleaded "I can't do this! It will cost me my marriage. God I love this man. I don't know how or when that happened, but I love him! I don't want to live without him"

At that very moment- that man, that wonderful, beautiful, deep man whom I loved with every inch of my being, elbowed me. I hesitated to look up. I didn't want him to see me looking the way I did. He gently elbowed me again. I slowly raised my head, the tears and snot still rolling. He wanted eye contact. I was scared. I was embarrassed. I had no idea what he was thinking and I didn't want to know. I finally looked into his face. His eyes were filled with water and he gave me a look I had seen only a couple of times before. The first time I saw this look was when I tried to end our relationship (prior to being married). The next time I saw this look in his eyes was the day we got married. Again, I was seeing the same serious, deep penetrating look. It terrified and comforted me at the same time. The way he looked at me made felt like he could see into my soul. After a few moments, he very quietly said "I think we are supposed to go down there". All I could do was stare back at him. I couldn't move my eyes away from him. I just stared into his eyes. Again, very tenderly he said "I think we are supposed to go down there". This time through the sobbing and crying I responded "I do too".

He took my hand and led me down what seemed like the longest walk I have ever taken in my life. I didn't look at Joe, Jean or Vanessa as we began our descent. I was too embarrassed. I couldn't even imagine how I or it must have looked. I was hoping as we passed thousands of people we didn't know, that they wouldn't stop me. I hoped they didn't know my every secret. I hoped they wouldn't be able to tell my past. I was afraid. I was afraid someone would be standing at the bottom and they would know, they would send me right back to my seat. It seemed to take forever and I wasn't sure I would make it. I hid my face in shame. I didn't want anyone to know I needed to be rescued, let alone saved. I didn't raise my head once to see where we were going. Jody had my hand and led me the entire way. He held my hand tightly, I'm sure he knew how scared I was. He might have known given the chance I would run. I was frightened by what we were doing. I didn't know exactly how it would affect us. Would our marriage make it through something like this? If we changed would we still want to be married to each other?

We finally reached the end of the stairs onto the field. I remember thinking O.K. Now what? There were volunteers from different churches on the field. A women came over to pray for us, I think at some point someone wanted to pray separately for Jody but Jody wasn't going to leave my side. He knew I needed him, heck I might even get lost. He held me close to him, pressed my crying face up against his chest (finally somewhere to wipe all those tears and snot)! I hugged him and we prayed. I hugged him and I hugged him. He was never going to leave my side. I felt more loved in that one moment of Jody's obedience to God than I had ever felt in my life.

Our car ride home was a little strange. We didn't talk much about what happened, it was all too surreal. Those words that Jody so quietly spoke to me "I think we are supposed to go down there" are still the most romantic and sweetest words I have ever heard him say. Our lives were changed that night. I still don't know what our motivation was for going, I will probably never know. I do know why God brought us there that night. I know that since we accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior our lives have never been the same.

On one hand it seems all this happened a lifetime ago. On the other it seems just like yesterday. I remember how I felt, it was a very confusing and exciting time. I could never thank God enough for what he has done. He has been so very good to Jody and I. I am so thankful for my sweet husband and the wonderful marriage God has given us.

Eight years ago we had less money, less house, more kids than we knew what to do with, but they are the most precious times of my life. I will cherish those moments forever. My fondest and most romantic memory to this day is of Jody reading the bible to me before bed, shortly after we got saved. I don't believe there has ever been a time in our marriage in which Jody has been sexier to me! It was and is the sweetest time of my life.

My Companion

My Companion


My Dear Sweet Child,

I have walked beside you every day

I know your every burden

Every pain you have ever felt

When you were desperate and crying

I never left your side...


I was there when you hurt yourself

I was there when you hurt others

I was there when you thought you could hide

When you thought no one could understand

I never left your side...


When the pain was too much and you felt like giving up

When no one could make the pain stop

When the pain came from those you trusted

When others who said they loved me, hurt you

I never left your side...


When you mocked me to others

When the faint whisper of my voice disappeared

When you thought you weren't worthy of saying my name

When you thought too much of others and not enough of yourself

I never left your side...


Through all the confusion

Through all the pain

When you wanted to knock at my door but were too ashamed

When you thought you could never belong to me

I never left your side...


I know all of your secrets

I will not refuse you

I forgive it all

Call out to me

I never left your side...


It will take courage- but come to me

Lay down your head and rest

You will be safe in my arms

I will hold you forever

I never left your side...


No longer will you be scared

I have peace to offer you

Love to give you

Be still and hear my voice

I never left your side…


I will restore what you thought too broken to fix

All the dreams you once dreamed, I have held in my hands

Waiting for the day you would reach for me

My sweet child, you are mine

I never left your side...


You may not feel like a treasure but you are more precious than gold

I laid down my life for you

This love can be hard to accept, especially when you think yourself unlovable

You tried to end it all, but I had a better plan for you

I never left your side...


Now you can hear my voice

Welcome home my precious child

I have been waiting for you

I have great plans for your life

This is my promise to you....

I will never leave your side…
I will never leave your side…

Shawna